Transitions happen every day and are a normal part of our lives. Every person must learn to manage transitions, as a natural part of being a human being. Transitions include not just events that we would normally think of as grief-provoking, like losing a job, losing a pet, experiencing houselessness or personal tragedy, or even a serious illness, injury or the end of life.
Transitions also include any movement in one’s life from one situation to another, some of which bring great joy, like the birth of a child, a new marriage, buying a home, adopting a pet, meeting a friend. However, transitions can lead to emotional or psychological distress, even when the event is anticipated, wanted, and planned.
As a hospice social worker, transitions often come in the form of preparation for death, the end of life, and grief/loss of the patient whose life is ending, as well as those loved ones left behind. Each day I get to work with those facing these life transitions. How we cope with these changes determines the ultimate key to our happiness and our ability to acclimate and adapt to a changing life and being in touch with “the inner self.”
It can be tempting to dive into a new job without laying the groundwork for what the new job entails. It can also be tempting to dive under the covers after a hard day at work or an emotional evening with a spouse. It can feel exciting to rearrange your furniture to change things up or to accommodate new needs in your space.
Without appropriate forethought, however, even these transitions, which seem small and unimportant in the grand scheme of life, can leave us floating and losing tune with our inner need for structure. Having spent over sixteen years working in hospice, you might think I have this down. I don’t! Every transition needs to be thought-out, especially when I am the first line of defense to help patients and their families come to terms with a patients’ mortality; the ultimate reality. Often, we think about these major life transitions.
“Why am I doing this?” “Why is this happening?” Many people go about their day with little thought to the smaller transitions. I have found that these changes can have huge anxiety-provoking and stressful impacts on our lives. So what can we do? Prepare for transitions we can anticipate and take our time adjusting to the sudden abruptions of daily life. It’s easier to say than to practice, but it is far better to practice than to be taken unaware and be stymied by life’s little curveballs. I’ve spoken about my grandmother before and she would say, “Practice.” Even the Boy Scouts say, “Be prepared.”
Hospice has taught me to go with the flow, not to fight against the stream of nature, and to be myself. The cliché,’ “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade,” has a great deal of merit. Allowing yourself to feel your innermost thoughts and feelings can be hard but it is vital to have a successful relationship with change. Transitions, while often difficult, cannot be avoided or denied. Resistance is futile. Transitions are life; becoming a new you. Being a hospice social worker has taught me this.
The poet, Nikki Giovanni says, “A lot of people resist transition and therefore never allow themselves to enjoy who they are. Embrace the change, no matter what it is; once you do, you can learn about the new world you’re in and take advantage of it.”