Whether you’re in a committed relationship, swiping to find that special someone, or taking a break from dating, as Valentine’s Day approaches it’s obvious that love is in the air. Experts from the University of New Hampshire share some advice to pinpoint your partner’s passion, design dating that fits you—no matter your age—and how to navigate today’s technology to better make that love connection.
Skip the Grand Gestures
“Valentine’s Day can feel like a big test of how romantic we are and how much we love our partners,” said Tyler Jamison, associate professor of human development and family studies. “Trying to figure out the right balance of things to do and say can rob any joy Valentine’s Day may bring.”
Jamison, a family and relationship expert focusing on how people learn the skills they need to build and maintain strong relationships, said one of the keys to a happy partnership is asking your partner for what you need and want. Take the guessing out of the mix and use Valentine’s Day as motivation to practice communicating more openly. For example, take the pressure off by letting them know what would make the day special—a dozen tulips, eating pizza in sweatpants or even skipping the holiday altogether. Valentine’s Day can be a minefield of expectations but if you focus on what is important to you as a couple, it can be an opportunity to develop healthier, more authentic relationships and share a little love that might get lost in everyday life.
It’s also an opportunity to show that you have the pulse of your partner’s favorite things. Rather than gifting chocolate and flowers, think of something that your partner loves, like watching a favorite movie (even if you don’t like it) or gifting them the next book in a series they can’t put down. The best gifts are not necessarily the most elaborate or expensive, but ones that show you understand and appreciate your partner.
“Six or seven years ago, I told my husband that the best gift he could ever give me was writing down how he felt about me,” said Jamison. “Now, for Valentine’s Day and sometimes our anniversary, he will gift me with a typed list of things he likes about me or reasons he will never get tired of me. They are funny and sweet and I never would have gotten them without asking.”
Looking for Love…Later in Life
Dating, especially for older adults, can be daunting and exhausting. But if you’re single and ready to mingle, Lauren Harris, assistant professor of human development and family studies has some advice.
“It’s important to remember that you are never too old to find love,” said Harris. “Dating can be a great way to meet new people and find someone you just like spending time with—whether you are seeking a friend for an occasional dinner or a spouse to share the next chapter of life—and you can design the dating and relationship experience that fits you best.”
Ready for romance? Time to get out there.
Harris, who researches how gender and age shape older adults’ dating experiences, said meeting new people will increase your chances of finding someone special. Here are her tips:
- Determine what you’re looking for. What is important to you—attraction, sense of humor, lifestyle, spending time with family.
- Are you looking for companionship or marriage? Many older adults, particularly women, are just seeking a companion—someone they can spend time with, travel, see a movie, and share a dinner—while others are hoping to find a life partner.
- Join a new group, volunteer or take a class—it can help find people with like interests.
- Tell your friends and family you are ready to start dating.
- Consider online dating—people over 50 are the fastest growing group of online daters.
Tik Tok NO!
Swiping your phone to find a date may be exciting and effective, but technology can impact relationships for the better and the worse. Marissa Mosley, assistant professor of human development and family studies, said when building a healthy relationship it’s important to realize that there is a time and place for technology.
“Looking for love online, and communicating via email and text once you connect, can open up dating possibilities and help get to know someone, but once you’re on that date, it’s time to put the phone down,” said Mosley who is also a marriage and family therapist. “A sweet text or emjoi can be fun flirting when courting but if you’re out to dinner, or living together, it’s important to communicate—in person—to each other to build a healthy relationship.”
Mosley’s research explores the role of phubbing—paying more attention to a cell phone than a partner—and how that can affect both partners. While it can help increase emotional connections it can also drive a wedge between partners if one is feeling neglected.
Mosley’s advice to make the most of this Valentine’s Day:
- Go phub-free—turn off cell phones as you enjoy a romantic dinner for just two.
- Arrange a movie night to watch a favorite flick—make popcorn, cuddle on the couch, and share the experience—no phones or tablets allowed.
- If your partner spends too much time online or on their phone because they experience the fear of missing out (FOMO), it’s important to communicate how that makes you feel.
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