When Fathers Are Not Engaged We Miss the Bigger Picture in Child Protection

Today, it is common to hear about the rise of domestic violence and children living in poverty who are raised with single mothers because the father is not around. Nearly every issue has another side to it that is often ignored. For example, responsible fathers who have been separated from their kids, are at higher risk of suicide and emotional hardship. Children growing up without their fathers in these communities have a higher dropout rate and are more likely to either become incarcerated or become young parents too early.

Even though, the federal government has recognized the importance to support responsible fathers and their active involvement in their children’s life, today’s common practice in the family courts and social services demonstrate minimal proof that they are “on-board” with the idea. Fathers often experience negative biases and inequitable treatment. They are neglected of the rights to their children, therefore, the children are neglected of the rights to their fathers.

Over my three years as a volunteer intern for Paternal Opportunities Programs and Services (POPS) in San Diego, I saw the other side of this story. I had the “eye opening” experience of meeting the fathers of these children every Wednesday. We were a very diverse talk group, no one was the same, and everyone’s situation was different. Even though we were all different, we all connected in several ways. The reason is, all these fathers shared something in common, they loved their children and wanted to be in their life.

Unfortunately, most shared the stress and agonizing suspense of not seeing their children for months and trying to resolve the conflicts with either the other parent, social services, or family courts. However, it was common for a father to be battling all of these stressors at the same time just to stay involved with their children.  After my three years of hearing the same issues, it is clear that common practices of our family court system and social services need to be monitored, revised and updated. Our children are paying the price for it.

We rarely end up living the life that we have always expected to be in. Think of the homeless man you see sleeping on the park bench, the drug addict getting picked up on the streets from the police, or the individual walking down the street carrying a child’s backpack and pushing a baby stroller with no child in it. These behaviors may seem odd to us, but these individuals have another side we do not see. There is almost always an unknown story which explains how they got there. It is a story they never expected, nor wanted and a reality they had to face.

It is important to remember that both parents love their children and are equally important in a child’s life. Lets take some extra time to get understand the bigger picture. When we open our eyes to the other side of the story, it may save a child from ending up having a life they never wanted and do not deserve.